Tag Archive: Luke Skywalker

No intro at all just watch and listen as your geek heart explodes:


BBBBOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, how great was that?  You know the first thing that popped into my head?  Buddy cop movie with the Joker and Luke Skywalker hunting down the Hobgoblin.  Now I know it’s hard to believe The Joker as a cop, but that would be the twist that the whole time The Joker was manipulating the events that Luke and him encountered all day and the Hobgoblin was really just a henchman to the Joker.  It would be like a creepy version of “Training Day” mixed with “Seven”.  You can just see Luke begging to know “What’s in the box?” and Mara Jada’s head is in there covered in clown paint.

Now I have taken this “Something Cool” into a galaxy far, far, away with making a movie idea out of Mark Hamill’s voice work.  Matter of fact, I think I’m going to watch it again.


Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen

For more cool shit follow me @UnsportsmenBigJ or subscribe to this site.


Queue the music!

You can never start a “Star Wars” film without THE MUSIC, real or fake, it doesn’t matter.  So let’s actually show the trailer.

For the record I’m a huge Star Wars fan (come on they call me Big J, most fat guys love fantasy and etc), I buy books, I watch, see, seek out anything Star Wars related.  My last gifts to friends of mine were “Jedi Path” and the “Book of Sith”.  Every year for my Birthday I go to Disney for Star Wars month, and I’m currently trying to convince my wife why it’s a good idea for us (me) to purchase a Jedi outfit (specifically Dark Jedi Anakin) for my forever Halloween and costume party costume (and just to have one).   I stop letting my infant daughter play with my lightsaber, because she was “not old enough to appreciate it”.  Yes just like millions upon millions of people in the world, I am a true Star Wars fan.  Enough about my love and now on to the movie.

Now when this started it felt like a Star Wars film, at first.  The FX were not my biggest concern, I just wanted a film that felt right, you know how it took 2 and half movies for the prequels to “feel” right.  At the beginning it did just that, with the music, the scenery, and actually the bad acting.  The FX is actually not that bad really, we get a good many of Spaceship battles, and nice fun Battlestar Galactica laser firing from the 70’s.  It had a very old school feel to it and it added to my enjoyment of the beginning.  The FX for “the Force” are fun.  The lightsaber battles are better than almost anything in the original trilogy, and outside of maybe Maul vs Obi and Qui-Gon, you can make a case that Padawon Raven vs Lord Seige is a damn good lightsaber battle.   We also get a Han Solo wannabe, who was given some sort of backstory that we don’t care about, that is also a smuggler.  I half expected is ship to be called the Universal Eagle.  This movie is 110 minutes long (to long for a fan film) and was made on a 5,500-6,000 budget.  With all of that the weakness was never effects or scenery.  Everything wrong with it was everything wrong with Lucas prequels, THE SCRIPT!

The story is generic, but you would think that in a Galaxy Far Far Away, set 94 years after Return of the Jedi, that the Jedi would have evolved.  Now I know because my following how the Jedi evolve, but I at least expected the writers to do their homework and evolve the Jedi Order.  In this version Jedi still have to relinquish attachments ala Anakin in the prequels, but the writers do realize that Leia (spoilers of extended universe) marries Han, has kids, and is a Jedi.  Luke gets married and has kids, and the Jedi learn to love, have attachments, and not let it cloud there judgement.  The Jedi are still completely delusional about the Sith Lord, and apprentice.  Come on learn from the past Jedi!  Watch a Holocron once in a while.  Jedi Master Soran Darr had the to be the absolute worse thing about this fan film.  A lot of the characters were bad actors, but you can see most were having fun.  Master Soran Darr (strange typing Master) was an abomination of acting with no charisma or awesomeness. He made Hayden Christensen look like Will Smith in the charisma department.

For all my gripes and dislikes, it was still cool to see fans try to capture the fun of the world Lucas created.  I just think with more research this movie could have been better or truer to the source material.  If your a Star Wars fan please check this out with a bunch of fanboys and girls, get the drinks pouring, and just enjoy the stupidity of it all.  I’m already planning this movie to headline my next movie marathon at my apartment.  If your not a fan it will just seem pointless.  Rumor is they are planning two more sequels, but the first one took 9 years, I just say make a Cade Skywalker movie and call it a day, with him you can make it dark and throw out mythos at the writers discretion.  Remember I Pay For It So You Don’t Have To!

Written By:

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen

If you want more Man Stuff follow me @UnsportsmenBigJ

I believe you can find this movie on YouTube, if not comment or Tweet me and I can give you the site I watched it on



By Jason “Big J” Allen @unsportsmenBigJ

Queue Evil empire music from Star Wars.  Now enter Darth Vader or for this article Roger Goodell.  With Goodell coming out mentioning how he would want to get rid of the kickoff there has been a huge disturbance in the NFL “Force” and uproar.  At first I felt the same way and then I thought, maybe this is a good thing or a chance to open the door for improvements.  Why did I change my mind? Because just like Darth Vader, Roger Goodell needs to bring balance to the NFL or rather safety so the NFL will not become existent or worse GOVERNMENT RUN!

Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment, young Jedi.  Most don’t like Goodell because we have felt he has taken his power overboard, but let’s not forget that no different then the Republic giving full power to Senator Palpatine, which birthed Emperor Palpatine, the players granted Empe…  I mean Roger Goodell this power.  So don’t get mad when he “force chokes” your favorite players with fines and suspensions, because this is the bed the players made.

I know I know, he is taking away the violence in the game and yes we watch for the total carnage on the field.  Football is Violent and it’s our modern day Gladiator sport and he is making them wear “Skirts” (in my best southern redneck voice), but that comment is a total lie.  Fantasy Football please stand up.  This game has made the NFL more popular than anything else especially with the female demographic.  As a Fantasy Football owner you just love 6-3 scores right?  I know you do.  Also numbers and ratings have shown that the viewing public hates low scoring games or what we all call DEFENSIVE BATTLES.  Look at the Baltimore vs New York Giants Super Bowl in 2000 a 40.4 rating, and even the Tampa Bay and Raiders Super Bowl a 40.7 rating.  What do they all have in common?  Low ratings.  The average Super Bowl rating in the modern era (1998-2009) is 41.7 the thought that it would be a defensive battle, and low scoring, people thought it would be boring.  So violence is not the attraction for Football.

Lastly I’m defending Darth Goodell because with the recent lawsuits against the league about player safety and trauma after their career, Goodell HAS to make the game safer.  Why?  Because what happens if the NFL is deemed unsafe for the public?  Either the Government gets rid of it or the Government takes over it.  Look at our history in America, Government in Drugs, Alcohol (at one point the gov’t thought it was too dangerous and outlawed it until crime and bootlegging alcohol made cities more dangerous so they brought it back under restrictions), Cars with seat belts, and even gun control.  Things deemed unsafe the gov’t takes care of.  So Goodell is doing whatever he can to preserve our precious sport.

Now I don’t think getting rid of kickoffs is the answer, but I do believe thinking outside the box like this will eventually lead to the answer.  So just like Darth Vader, Goodell had to go to the Darkside and become the villain to protect the ones he loves (NFL).  But just like Luke Skywalker, NFL fans are stubborn, arrogant, and refusing to see through our emotions.  Just face it Darth Goodell is our Father and will eventually protect us from the Emperor Palpatine U.S. Government.


P.S.- Sidebar I never understood how Luke’s lightsaber went from Blue to Green between Empire Strikes Back to Return of the Jedi.

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen

For a few years now, well specifically after the 2007 Monday Night Football game, Cardinals vs 49ers, I made a bet saying if Alex Smith led us back to win this game I would never call him a bum, or insult him playfully again.  Well the unlikely became likely and Alex Smith did it.   Ever since then I started calling Alex Smith “The New Hope,”  being a huge Star Wars fan I thought it was a funny reference, but when I started to look at it; it was telling.  So here is the Alex Smith story told through Star Wars.  Queue the Music.

Episode I:  New Hope, sorry I mean Episode IV

     A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away…  The West Coast.  Alex Smith “Luke Skywalker” went to Utah which it might as well be Tatooine.  Urban Meyer -“Old Ben Kenobi” – was Alex Smith’s college coach in Utah.  As an Ute, Smith showed immense promise with The Force – his Junior year he posted 67% completion, 2952 yards passing, 32 passing touchdowns, 4 interceptions, 631 rushing yards, and 10 rushing touchdowns.  Meyer taught him the beginnings of The Force and he learned enough to warrant a 1st overall pick in the 2005 draft to the Rebel Alliance aka the San Francisco 49ers.

Commander Mike Nolan drafted Smith over Aaron Rodgers. He thought Smith to be a cerebral, introspective, and non-confrontational, while he felt Rodgers attitude wouldn’t mesh with Nolan’s.  Smith’s rookie year was a wash 1 touchdown to 11 interceptions.  In 2006 San Francisco gave Luke his Han Solo and Chewbecca, in the form of Frank Gore (the team leader, and anybody coming out of Miami can only be as badass and cool as Han Solo) and Vernon Davis (yeah partly because he had corn rolls and dreads – all that fur).

     Also, lets give Norv Turner a piece of the Obi-Wan Kenobi title.  Under Turner Smith had a 16 touchdown and 16 interception season, but that year Smith had a few Death Star moments. He threw 3 touchdowns versus the Oakland Raiders (hell, there fans wear Darth Vader Mask).  He also had comeback victories against Minnesota, Seattle, and Denver that year.  He started to build his legend and 49er fans loved it.  Until…  Obi-Wan got handled and took a job in San Diego.

Episode II, sorry Episode V (I will get this right I promise) Empire Strikes Back.

      From 2007-2010 we should just name the Empire the bad organization of the 49ers, because they gave him four different Offensive Coordinators in those 4 years.  Forget “Luke I am your father” and how about “Luke we will give you no consistency, terrible supporting cast outside of Gore and Davis”, (remember these Wide Recievers? Ashley Lelie, Darrell Jackson, Iaasc Bruce, Bryant Johnson, Josh Morgan, Arnaz Battle, and the list goes on). He did get his Princess Lela in Michael Crabtree, look at his professional career so far, from holdouts to toe injuries in preseason, and other dainty princess issues.

It got as bad as Mike Nolan questioning his heart and toughness while he was dealing with a grade three separated shoulder. In 2008 Smith missed the entire season because of another shoulder injury, once he got back Nolan was fired, but he had a new threat.  He had to fight through the pants dropping antics of Jabba The Hut aka Mike Singletary.  The greatest insult was Aaron Rodgers won his first Super Bowl in 2010, the same Rodgers that was picked 23 picks after Alex Smith.  How about “Luke you’re a failure and your city wants you out.”

           Episode VI:  Return of the Jedi (told you I would get it)

     Now I know all the geek purist are saying, “How could you talk about Empire and leave out Yoda,” (in my best geek voice ever).  Obviously I couldn’t figure a way to weave Yoda into the story (even George Lucas had a bad timeline in the prequels and he is a pro) because we all know who Yoda is, none other than Jim “Lil Crazy Walsh” Harbaugh.  He basically got the best out of Alex Smith, and yes he is a game manager, but we act like Luke didn’t need help from a team to be successful and Luke MANAGED to get Vader to turn on the Emperor to save the galaxy.  With a 13-3 season the 49ers returned to being thought of as a dominant Force in the league.  This chapter is not done being written – we still have a galaxy to save by hoisting the Lombardi.  So Alex let The Force be with you!




%d bloggers like this: