Category: Entertainment


I’m currently sitting in a rain delay waiting for the Braves and Nationals game to start. Sitting here reminded me that I have TMNT review to write. (Please excuse the more the normal grammar and spelling errors, I’m tying from an iPhone).  This was the hardest movie for me to review because everything I hated about it turned into liking about it.  So yes spoilers will be involved.

All in all I enjoyed the movie but it is not a good movie by any means.  It just awakened the 7-12 year old Jason and stuffed so much Turtle Power down my movie watching throat until I was brainwashed into liking it.  Here is a list of things I hated that eventually won me over:

1. The turtles being HUGE and not average height or shorter.

I hated this because here is no such thing as 6 feet plus ninjas, they couldn’t be stealth and everyone would see them.  But I was won over when they made them SUPER strong and just pure destructive.  Yes they had stealth moments but once in the light they fucked some shit up ( Thank you Michael Bay).

2.  Is this office space because they sure do have a lot of flair.

I had a problem with all the extra the turtles were packing.  Calm down ladies I just mean that the turtles all had their very own individual look beside their color coordinated mask bandanas.  Leo is dressed like a samurai with New York hint. Ralph could be a bad boy biker, Mikey straight hippie surfer teen, and Donnie your standard geeky/ nerd cliche.   This all worked because it fit their personalities but on a deeper level most brothers are completely different and want to forge their own identity outside of what their brothers are.  The extra personality is a good change that makes each character a bit more interesting.

3.  How Splinter learned ninjutsu and thus how the turtles learned to fight.

A fucking BOOK! You have to be kidding me.  These bad ass Mutated animals were taught how to whip ass by a disregarded ninjutsu book in the sewer.  Then I brought into it because these turtles were sloppy and really not that good of fighters.  It made them vulnerable, but what they lacked in skill was made up by pure brutal strength and force.

4.  The Shredder!!!!

He didn’t do much but put on a suit of robotic armor and be a bad ass.  Shredder the guy I know has real issues and in himself was a very deep and fleshed out character.  Here he was nothin more than a reason to beat the crap out of the turtles.  This again I hated but accepted because this movie is about the Turtles and their growth and adaption into society and another reason I accepted this I will reveal later.

These things are the bulk of the movie but again the despicable Bay force fed me this until I tapped out and accepted it as what it is.  Yet here were other things that I simple couldn’t accept that left me hanging.

1.  April O’neil’s dumb ass connection to the turtles.

You should have stuck to the aliens rather than mutants idea Bay because this idea of connecting April and the Turtles was just terrible.

2.  The Shredder and Splinter having no connection

This relationship is what the whole Series is built on.  Either go with Shredder killing Splinter’s master and the pet rat becoming mutated or go with Shredder killing Splinters family and eventually being mutated, either way create some way they are connected and make it work.  This also why I didn’t have a problem with the Shredder having no personality because there was no back story to connect to that would need Shredder to be more than a brute.

3.  No emotional connection to the turtles.

It’s a Michael Bay film so as you expected no emotional or character development.  We are invested because of our inner child not because we give a shit about THESE  turtles. I never on e felt bad or invested into the happenings of the turtles and their father Splinter no matter how many times they yell or scream with emotion.  I was just waiting for the next funny line or kick ass action sequence.

All in all if you can deal with the below average was of this movie and let your inner child come out and suspend your inner common sense and storytelling knowledge you will enjoy this film.  This movie is like having a one night stand and trying to make it work to not feel slutty. In the end you accept you and the girl are sluts.  So just enjoy the experience and fun you had.  This movie makes you feel good and bad at the same time.  So forget your shame and just enjoy it.  I Pay For It So You Don’t Have To!

Star Lord

Gamora

Drax The Destroyer

Groot

Rocket

These are the Guardians of the Galaxy, and James Gunn has crafted an amazing movie.

Thanos

The Kree

Nova Corps

Marvel Phase 3

These things are in Guardians, and if Captain America changed the landscape of the Marvel Film Universe, then Guardians of the Galaxy gives us our first taste of Phase 3.  That taste was delicious too.

Everyone was worried about how this will work, because it is not the typical Marvel Film Universe…  Film.  Well it worked perfectly!  This movie benefits from the fact it doesn’t have to play by the rules of what the Avengers have set.  This movie fully knows what and who it is and it bathes in that glory.

This movie is funny, goofy, action packed, and character developed to the max.  Rocket Raccon is the star of the show and if I didn’t already know that Bradley “I made to many Hangover Movies” Cooper was the voice for Rocket I would have never guessed it.  He sounds nothing like himself.  Star-Lord is the leader that nobody wants but what this group needs.  Every character gets their time to shine.  Granted I think Drax was a bit rolled over because of how awesome the rest of the team is.

Hands down this movie has the best comic book movie soundtrack EVER!!!  The songs add a certain clever goofiness about the movie that I think everyone will enjoy.  The action scenes are thrilling and fun, but they also have the impact that wil shape the Marvel Universe going forward.

This movie finally gives us the bigger universe that was hinted at in The Avengers, especially with the Thanos ending scene appearance in the Avengers.  We get a bit of explanation about the Infinity Gems, and if you look very closely you can see other items from other movies, that gives us a clearer scoop of the Marvel Universe.

It is so much about this movie I can’t wait to talk about with my friends, but I don’t want to spoil anything (Rico you would be proud).  Now the after credit scene was PERFECT to me.  Now the crowd I was with was tremendously let down, because you got so many nuggets in the movie that everyone expected something Earth, or rather Terra shattering.  Instead you get something FUN, just like this movie is, fun and oddball off beat for a Marvel movie.  So it is fitting that the after cred is just that.  Go in with an open mind and enjoy the craziness that James Gunn has crafted.  This movie has me “Hooked on a Feeling”  and I will have to put Guardians in  my top 5 Marvel movies (Capt 2, Iron Man, X-Men 2, SpiderMan 2, and now The Guardians of the Galaxy I exclude the Avengers, because its a mash up/crossover).

Only thing that could have made this movie better is if it had Adam Warlock in it.  I know I’m jumping the Gunn, but bring on Marvel Phase 3, i can’t wait for Tony Starks and Peter “Star-Lord” Quill to ham it up and one up each other on scene, Groot vs Hulk, Rocket vs Thor, Gamora vs Widow/Hawkeye, and Drax vs Capt.  The possibilities are endless and Guardians of the Galaxy has shown us that the Marvel Universe is too.

I Pay For It So You Don’t Have To!

Written By:

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen
@UnsportsmenBigJ

If you like more Man Geek Stuff follow me @UnsportsmenBigJ

No intro, just leaked test footage for the Deadpool movie.  It looks prefect if your a Deadpool fan.  No X-Men Origins: Wolverine Bull shit.  Here you go!

Pool of Death

With Comic-Con here I will probably be having a lot of “Something Cool”, and this one is great.  A facial…  I mean a head shot of Batfleck.

Now for you twenty something and younger, Christian Bale is your Batman.  For us 30-45, Michael Keaton, is our Batman.  For the 45+ Adam West is your Batman (BAM!!!).  Now it is a huge possibility that my daughter’s Batman will be Ben Affleck.  Now before everyone starts to hate, let’s at least give Affleck a chance.  If the script is strong the movie will be strong.  Please don’t throw Daredevil in my face, that script was weak and missed the essence of what Daredevil is as a character (hopefully the Netflix series does a better job).  And lastly I will admit I was never a fan of Jack Nicholson’s Joker as a kid (I know right, that’s blasphemy) I thought he was to goofy psychotic, and not enough menacing psychotic (for Goodness sake he danced around to Batman soundtrack made by Prince), or maybe it was just the heavier belly having part I didn’t like.  I wanted my Joker slender and menacing and just pure chaos.  So when I heard that Heath Ledger was going to be the Joker I was excited while everyone around me gaffed at the thought of A Knights Tale, battling the Dark Knight.  Hindsight being 20/20 we all loved Ledger’s Joker, and wished it didn’t end in tragedy so we could have seen him reprise his role in “The Dark Knight Rises”.  In all of this I really am just saying lets give it a chance before we bash!  Also this picture just looks awesome!

Also for good measure here is Superman as a Sith…  My favorite character with my favorite universe collide.

View image on Twitter

 

Written By:  Big J

This is something I stumbled across and thought I would share.  It is a cool pilot and being a fan of the original series (which I own, and will review when we get closer to the Flash premiere) I thought this was new, exciting, and fun.  There are a lot of Easter Eggs to other heroes, villains.  One especially cool villain that we don’t see, but see his name plate.  We get the thought that this Arrow/Flash universe is bigger than just Arrow’s Starlet City.  Also this opens up the thought that Metahumans will be apart of the Arrow series too.  Enjoy and leave comments about what you think.

Flash Pilot

Jason Allen

 

 

Now I have taken a break from writing, with working so much, and just plain being busy.  Once in a while a movie comes along and fills me with such passion that I’m forced to dust off the Laptop and let my fingers show my passion.  Transformers 4 is one of those movies.  Trailer Please!

Now this passion I speak of is utter ANGER and PISSED OFFNESS (if that can be a feeling).  This Movie is plain SHYT!!!  Now don’t get me wrong Transformers 1 was below average, part 2 was ok by a slim margin, part 3 was an abomination (not the good Abomination that the Hulk smashes), and part 4 follows in part 3’s Shitty footsteps.  Except part 4 tracks the shit in your newly furnished living room.

My disgust at this movie is my fault though, to take a misquoted saying from my close personal friend George W. Bush

Well I shouldn’t have been fooled again, but I have been fooled 3 more times and now this time enough is enough.  How does Michael Bay keep getting chances to make incredibly bad movies?  Then I realized how and why, he literally puts a gun to the head of our childhood faves and tells us “See this movie or I will blow it’s brains out!”  What do I mean by that?  We all want to see and experience a bad ass Transformers movie, because we grew up on the shows, or the comics.  We go into every Bay shit fest hoping to get something close to satisfying as what we remember growing up.  The trade off is that we don’t see the movies and Bay pulls the trigger and blows the franchises head off and Hollywood wont green light these types of movies, and we are left dreaming (Thundercats franchise anyone?).  Now he is going to let his stench touch the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle franchise (granted TMNT 3 did a excellent job of burying the original trilogy).  As much as I want to not go see another Bay film, I will be checking out the Ninja Turtles and probably will be filled with the same wrath.

Now about the movie!  Marky Mark is great in it, even if he is not helped with the stupid slow mo shots for no reason.  We do spend a lot of time with the human characters, and personally the daughter, boyfriend and almost every human character except Max Payne I don’t care about and wish they would have been killed in a comical fashion.  I sat through damn near 3 hours of movie and I didn’t know what the movie was about.  First I thought it was about getting rid of the Alien robots in disguise, but yet the humans were working with a different sect of robot aliens.  Then it became about making a robot army with the tech and metal of the transformers, but then some seed thing was involved.  Also add in the “Creators” wanting Optimus back, toss in some resurrecting of old robots, and then throw in the Dinobots for good measure of fandom.  The complete utter disrespect they did to the Dinobots was a shame.  I wanted the cool Grimlock that was not friends with Optimus and really didn’t like Optimus unless it was about beat, breaking, or smashing things up.  The Dinobots for the most part were always anti heroes and sometimes villains.  They are only in this movie so we can see Optimus ride a T-Rex and Bumblebee ride a Pterodactyl.  The only good part about the whole movie is that all the money the series has made, has allowed for a ton CGI and etc for the Transformers.  You see them transform with no shaky cam, out in brightly lit environments, and they look amazing.  Just great in scale, size, and movement.  The fights are amazing and very fluid.  But that is it and that was all.

To best describe Michael Bay is this way

or this way

Now I never tell anyone to not see movies, because i have a love for the whole theater experience, but I Definitely PAID for this in losing sleep Thursday night so you Don’t have To!

Written By:   Jason Allen

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen
@UnsportsmenBigJ

If you like Man Stuff or just hate Maichael Bay destroying our childhood follow me @UnsportsmenBigJ

Sorry I have been MIA, seems to be a reoccurring thing with me, but thank you for everyone that has been patient with me.  The first “Something Cool”  entry was a childhood favorite, but this second one falls right into that category.  Welcome to Assassin’s FIST!  The background story of Ken and Ryu.  I even have the while series here for you from YouTube as a treat.  Be warned it is like 2 hours long in total, but enjoy.

 

If you don’t want to watch it on my site here is the link too.

Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist

 

Ok is 2 hours up?  What did you think?  I personally loved it, now I’m a fan of webepisodes, and fan films and etc.  Ryu is always my all-time favorite fighting game character.  I even used to be damn good at the games, especially Marvel vs Capcom.  Now I was already familiar with the story from the cartoon version of it, it was just great to see it come to life live action style.  Some of the best parts were the signature call back moves and moments, and EVIL RYU!

I get a few Metsu Hadoken’s, a fire fueled Shoryuken, or the ever confusing computer glitch turned real move Shakunetsu Hadoken (I did look up the real name rather than call it the super hadoken ← ↓→ +⊗ still remember how to do it on the controller).  Oh yea this web series gave us the most awesome thing ever,  Akuma’s “LIGHTS OUT MOVE“!  or that’s what we used to call it in my friend group.  When you pulled it off Akuma would glide at least 1/2 or 1/3 of the screen and grab the opponent and the lights would go out and you would hear some smack down being laid and when the lights returned Akuma is standing over a battered corpse ( looking it up now and it is officially called Wrath of the Raging Demon).  It was just so much to love, from Player’s theme music playing, and even the mention of Dan (for some reason this character is totally forgotten about, no one remembers the ultimate insult of a player beating you with Dan?  Autograph signing?  Mini, extermely mini Hadoken?  Nothing?  Ok then nevermind.)  Just pure fun watching this.

Now I admit I’m not a harsh critic when it comes to these type of things.  So the only issues I had was I wanted more Akuma or rather the Akuma/Goken showdown.  Also I wanted to see either a reference or a cameo of a certain tall, Muay Thai god, with an eye patch, and scar free.

This is definitely a great addition to the “Something Cool” archives!

Written By:

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen
@UnsportsmenBigJ

Follow Me @UnSportsmenBigJ

I think I’m going to start a segment called “Something Cool”  And to jump start this with who or what else than The Batman.  Hopefully this brings everyone back to their childhood with this one.  Also there is just something epic about the music in this and when I watched it on tv as a kid.  Enjoy!

 

Only a night of Hero rape could produce a seed like this, and a movie like this too.

I honestly felt like there should have been more to this movie, but there was not.  I was hugely disappointed, DC Animation usually does the best job with their animated Universe.  Now as a Batman hater (see my last article) it still infuriated me with how they portrayed the Dark Knight.

I love Ra’s al Ghul, he is by far my favorite Batman villain (sorry Crown Prince of Crime).  I just love his mythos and his name means “Demon’s Head” that can’t get any cooler.  Al Ghul gets a few minutes of screen time here and is awesome all the way through.  You can get the vibe very quickly that he enjoys being a grandfather, and I wish we could get a prequel of Al Ghul and Talia training young Damian (you hear that DC make up for this turd).  How they handle Slade Wilson/DeathStroke is awesome for first half of the movie, but by the end not so much.  I’m glad we get Nightwing/Dick Grayson (Dick has always been my favorite…  Hold on…  You know what I mean) playing a role in this movie, in the comics it was Tim Drake’s Red Robin that was the “other son”.  I think it fits the components of the movie better with Nightwing instead of Drake.  Especially since most would agree Grayson has always been the closet to what a real son would have been like for Bruce Wayne.  The ending credits has a great sequence that shows a fight that we didn’t see during the movie, that we all wanted to see, so that was a nice little twist.  The voice work in this movie is great.  I’m getting used to Jason O’Mara as Bruce Wayne/Batman (I know the adolescent/preteen in me just kicked adult me in the nuts for ever thinking there could be another Batman voice besides Kevin Conroy), but all the voice work does a great job.  The animation looks marvelous, as well as the fight scenes are well done.

Now to my list of the unfortunate.  Ra’s Al Ghul is one of the biggest villains in the world, but in this movie his weaponry is stuck in the past.  I get it, League of Assassins, but no guns on a complex and no defenses with modern technology?  Come on man!  I get that Damian is a protege and anybody trained since birth would be one bad ass kid (Hit-Girl anyone?), but Damian battled skilled high level adult fighters and sometimes barely broke a sweat.  Come on man!  One of my great loves of Ra’s Al Ghul as a villain is how he refers to Batman as “Detective”.  Yet in this movie Batman is a FUCKING IDIOT!  From his Killer Croc fight (great to see him in a movie), to his lack of ability to figure things out before his preteen son does.  Damian is always 2 steps ahead of the Bat.  World’s Greatest Detective” my ass, he must have removed the title for this movie.  Nightwing figures things out faster than Batman, so maybe all of his “son’s” are surpassing him.  The plot was pathetic, the movie tries to get by on how cool the concept of Batman having a “killer” son.  Deathstroke wants to be leader of the League of Assassins, but he did everything to be the leader by destroying the League of Assassins, even down to eliminating all the leaders, and the one he didn’t eliminate he could have, but chose not to because he wanted to lure Damian in to settle a grudge?  Huh?  Damian would have been lured in just for revenges sake.  Oh yea we get a subplot of creating ninja mutant man bats (this is ripped from the comics), now this subplot was just set up to give Batman more things to fight.  Lets not forget Rape is spoke about in enjoyable terms, the Lazarus Pit not making a user insane, Batman having an “oh well (shoulder shrug)” feeling about everything (having a hidden son, League of Assassins being rebuilt after it was destroyed, Ra’s Al Ghul predicament).  Then you have Damian who is annoying, (like Conner from Angel annoying), but I can get over that if they didn’t make him have a change of heart for no reason other than him saying it.  Bruce and Damian never bonded, or had a profound moment that would justify a reason for Damian to change the ways he learned since he was born.  The list could go on, but I have written to much.

Again I just think this movie was made to say LOOK EVERYONE BATMAN HAS A SON!  And he is nothing like him!  And who doesn’t like kid violence?  This movie is for me was like the scheme Talia used on Batman.  Use a hot/cold relationship to lure you in (Batman and I), get drugged where it makes/hopes you forget what made your relationship what it was (All the reason that make me hate Batman is what makes him awesome, except this movie hopes I forget that)), and then from that comes a product that is bad (this movie).  Son Of Batman will just drug you and leave you with an issue to take care of…  It sucking.   I Pay For It (with my innocence) So You Don’t Have To!

Written By:

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen
@UnsportsmenBigJ

If you want to help me recover from this movie that has left me fragile and shaken follow me @UnsportsmenBigJ

All puns and jokes aside Sexual Abuse and Rape are serious things not to be taken lightly and I do take those things serious, sorry if I offended anyone with my jokes.

 

Movie Review: Oculus

Seems like when you make a horror movie and I can’t say the name, know what the name means (Insidious), or just seems odd, it equals Good Freaking Horror Movie.

Now I walked into this movie with very little knowledge of it.  The trailer felt very Ring ish to me (I did enjoy the first Ring and Ringu) so I was expected more of the same.  What I got was a very rooted Psychological thriller mixed in with a ghost story, and a tension building good time.  I’m not hailing this as an all-time great, but it is refreshing and fun.

The story does a great job of zipping from past to present, and in doing so you as a viewer start to question what is present and what was the past.  The movie plays with the idea of viewing the same event differently through two perspectives, and how the cloud of time can effect memory of events.  The movie goes a long way in setting you up to the point where you are questioning what is real and fake.  I will note that there is a lot of child acting in this movie and that usually downgrades everything for me but the performances here are stellar (Annalise Basso and Garrett Ryan), you can sense the fear and dread in these young actors.  While I’m on acting; Karen Gillan is amazing in this, I know her more from Dr. Who, but this kind of performance can be the beginning of a star studded career similar to Jennifer Lawrence (I know Winter Bone was awesome but even Lawrence did the terrible “House at the End of the Street”).  Gillan really shows off this one.  Gillan helps keep you invested in this sister and brother team.  Now again I was expecting nothing so my surprise does elevate this movie in my eyes.  Female Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff) is also good, you can really feel how the mirror starts to slowly destroy her whole life until WHAM everything crumbles.

It was very little that I didn’t like.  Some things were the pacing, now I love a slow burn as much as the next, but sometimes I felt it dragged an inch.  There were not a lot of jump scares, which usually I’m against but here a few more would have helped keep the tension building.  Now like all horror movies there are moments that make you go “Why didn’t they just do…”  I usually suspend that comment for the sake of the film, but there was a moment in the movie where the main character did something smart and it didn’t work, but she never tried it again.  Basically they get help from a neighbor, but it failed, and they never thought to try again.  You know get help from a teacher, or other neighbors?  Show someone your mother.  I feel like that was the writers way of saying “Hey look these kids aren’t dumb, see they tried and it failed…  now back to your hell house”.

Lastly, I really enjoyed this film, and I implore everyone to go out and see it.  I am tired of good horror (Cabin in the Woods) getting no press (Drag Me To Hell), sales (The Descent), and making Hollywood go back to old reliable (remakes, reboots, sequels, and pure garbage).  I mean how many more Saw, Paranormal Activity, and now Insidious can we keep getting?  Oculus is like going on a blind date and all your friends tell you she has a nice personality, so your expecting average to dog, and you end up with Karen Gillan.  Good Fucking Deal!  I Pay For It So You Don’t Have To, but Pay for this so Hollywood doesn’t have to shove the garbage down our viewing throats.

Written By:

Jason "Big J" Allen  @UnsportsmenBigJ

Jason “Big J” Allen
@UnsportsmenBigJ

If you want to know what I think about the world of Quantum Physics and how I maintain such a healthy lifestyle don’t follow me, but if you just enjoy Man/Geek stuff follow me @UnSportsMenBigJ

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